The Family Room

Playdate Series Part 2: The Playdate

Interview with Fiona Zecca, Early Childhood Development and Behavioral Specialist

So, yesterday we talked about setting up the initial playdate. Can you elaborate on what we should look for in choosing a potential playdate partner?
Start by picking a child your child is interested in. Your ultimate goal is to have your child interact with another child, so pick someone who motivates your child. If you are unsure of this and your child is in a school or child care program, ask his/her teachers. If your child hasn't had many opportunities to form interest in another child or simply is not interested in other children, pick a child that is easygoing and willing to go on a playdate. Pick someone that you know is a good match for your child's temperament and sensory system - someone who will not overwhelm them. If your child is typically the leader, pick someone who can follow. Note that some kids that do not seem like they would be a good match sometimes bring out the most in each other. Probably it is most ideal to pick someone in your child's same age range.

What should be the format for the playdate? Where should you do it and for how long?
To start with I would have the playdate at your house, for no more than an hour, ideally once a week. Your child is going to be comfortable at his/her own home and this allows them to feel in control and possibly have the opportunity to show the other child some toys/activities that interest him/her. This is also beneficial for the partner because kids typically love going to someone else's house to check out their toys. Also, a park is the worst place to have a playdate because the children are not natually motivated to stay togetehr and play the same activity. You often will find one child on the swings, while the other child is going down the slide.

How do you choose the right activity?
I recommend choosing an interactive, high-interest activity that you will lead with the two children, such as baking/decorating cookies. If possible, playfully guide the partner to involve your child by transferring any directive you might give to your child on to the partner to keep your child an active participant. For example, you might ask the play partner to be in charge of the M&Ms by having him ask your child how many he/she wants for each cookie and what colors. This way they are having constant interactions. Eventually you will fade out as the playdates progress and the children are able to interact without so much support. I would recommend doing the same high-interest activity each week to give your child the opportunity to practice his/her role and because most children love predictability and repetition. Change the activity when it is clear they are bored and want a change. Other ideas might be: putting together a ginger bread house or painting a large cardboard box to make a train they can ride in together or an interactive structured game such as "Don't Break the Ice" or rocket stomper or large bubble wands or balloon pumps, etc. What you will choose will depend on your child's interests. Just make sure it is motivating to both children, and, naturally interactive.

So how do you tell if it's not working?
Give the partners at least four consistent times before giving up. Look for small amounts of progress. Certainly you should reevaluate if either child is having a horrible time, but be sure to not give up easily. Even if your child doesn't seem to be getting anything out of it, he/she may be getting more than you think. You may want to take some photos of the playdate in progress and post them on your refrigerator so your child can look at them during the rest of the week and anticipate the next playdate. If you find you just can't bear leading the playdates, it is just not your thing or perhaps you are too emotionally involved, see if you can get someone else to do it, an aunt, your child's dad, a tutor, a social coach, perhaps an aide from your child's school who wants to earn some extra money.

If you would like to ask Fiona a question, leave a comment here or contact her directly at fiona [at] fionazecca [dot] com. You can also check out her Sensory Social Playgroups website here.

Playdate Series Part 1: Finding the Right Partner

Interview with Fiona Zecca, Early Childhood Development and Behavioral Specialist

The very thought of playdates strikes fear into the hearts of many parents of children on the autism spectrum. Who should I ask? Should I tell them about my child's challenges? Should I choose a typically-developing child or one with similar challenges? Will it be awkward? Will it benefit my child? Will he or she participate? Will the other parent agree? And what do we do when we're there? I asked Fiona Zecca to talk about the very first step: finding the right playdate partner for a child on the spectrum. Here is her answer:

I think it is probably more beneficial to match up with a typically developing kid for a playdate. The "expert" player is then able to more easily take some direction from you and keep the interactions going with your child. Of course you could have a playdate with two kids on the spectrum but probably the expectations would be very different--it would be more for exposure to peers and hopefully some interactions. I think the latter would be a lot of work for the mom/dad facilitating the playdate and bring on frustration, like "what's the point of doing this?"

In the past when I have helped organize playdates with some of my clients, the mom of the child on the spectrum has explained to the other mom that her child needs some practice socializing, that this is done best in a 1-on-1 playdate setting and she has been told by the child's teachers that these two kids seem to enjoy each other. She could then suggest picking up the child up from school once a week and have him to their house for an hour. In other words, making sure that the family pursuing the playdate does as much of the work as possible (pick up, drop off, etc.) so that the play partner doesn't feel burdened and want to bail out. With this format it will be very clear whether the other parent is a good match or not. Either they will agree to participate--or not.

As far as matching up two compatible kids, you have to take a chance and try different partnerships. It will be kind of obvious whether it is a good match. If your child is not in distress and it seems that both children are enjoying the activity, it is a good match. If you are matching two spectrum kids together and it feels too intense and too much pressure for each child (and each parent), this is probably not a good match. Even if your child feels some anxiousness anticipating the upcoming playdate but then slowly progresses each week by participating more, or being more interested in the partner each week, this is success. Remember that typically it takes children time to get used to everything. The more you do the playdates, the more he/she will be able to predict the routine, etc. Stick with it, if possible. You know your child and how long it usually takes him/her to get used to a new situation, if he/she has exceeded this typical timeline, probably not a good match, try another partner.

We'll go into more depth on this topic tomorrow. Stay tuned!

If you would like to ask Fiona a question, leave a comment here or contact her directly at fiona [at]fionazecca [dot] com.

Strategies for an Effective IEP

Interview with Fiona Zecca
Early Childhood Development and Behavioral Specialist

It occurred to me after my recent post on the Individualized Education Program (IEP) process that it might be helpful to have someone discuss this issue from a professional's point of view. So I asked Fiona Zecca, an early childhood development and behavioral specialist, for her perspective on how to make this a more effective and less stressful experience. Fiona spent 15 years working in school settings as a special day class teacher and an inclusion specialist with young children with special needs. She also had the opportunity to work as part of the Intake Assessment team at the San Francisco Unified School District. She is now in private practice, offering consulting services to schools and families around the Bay Area.

How would you advise parents prepare for the IEP?
1. Be familiar with the format and purpose of the IEP.
2. Try to find someone who has been through it to give you some idea of what the meeting will look like.
3. If possible, try to get copies of any of the assessment reports conducted before the meeting so you have a chance to read them and organize any questions you might have.
4. Ask for your parent rights ahead of time and read them over so you understand them and don't waste precious time during the meeting learning what they are.
5. Although the IEP team members will bring different ideas on potential goals for your child, I recommend writing down a few ideas on what you would like your child to achieve in the next year. Be specific, and think of things that you wish your child could do: in a social setting, to get ready in the morning; when communicating with his grandmother. Try to think of all developmental areas--language, gross motor, fine motor, sensory integration, social and self-help. Be realistic, but don't be afraid to have some things to work towards.
6. Try to find out ahead of time what services the district offers for your child's age group.

Is there a good resource you can recommend for parents to go to understand their--and their children's--rights?
Yes. Here is a link to the Special Education Rights of Parents and Children, published by the California Department of Education. [Note: if you live outside of California, search the Internet for "Special Education Rights" and your state.]

What should parents do if they feel they are not getting the services they need or are entitled to?
Explain to the team what services you would like and why. If you have any previous assessment reports that state recommendations for your child, present them to the team. Be realistic, but don't give up easily. Continue the dialogue with the IEP tem and hope that you can come to an agreement. This may mean compromising on each side. If this doesn't work, don't be afraid to dissent on the IEP.

Are there any common misconceptions about the IEP process that you'd like to clear up?
The IEP is a legal document stating the special education servies that your child will receive, but don't think that if you sign it you are bound to the parameters in the IEP for the duration of the IEP (typically a year). You can request an IEP at any time--they are geared to be done annually, but you can have one whenever you want. In fact, you can request at the time of the IEP that the next IEP be done in less than a year (i.e., six months). In other words, if you sign and then later conclude that the services being provided for your child are not a good fit, you can request an IEP (in writing) and, if necessary, dissent at that time. Also, it is helpful to know that you may bring anyone you want to the IEP without notfying the other team members (with the exception of legal representation, for which the district requires prior written notification).

Any other advice?
Don't get caught up in the formality of the IEP. Try not to let it make you anxious or nervous. You know your child best, and you are your child's best advocate. Try to be positive and open-minded and hope that the IEP team members have the best intentions for your child, but, if necessary, be firm on what you believe your child needs.

If you would like to ask Fiona a question, leave a comment here or contact her directly at fiona [at]fionazecca [dot] com.