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September 21, 2008



Oh Susan, I wish there were easy answers to the tough questions. It is so hard to settle in--as you know, we had a very hard adjustment last year. It takes time, my friend. Patience, time and plenty of chocolate for everyone.


Um, if you figure out the answer feel free to pass it along would you? ;-)


This is perhaps the biggest question I wrestle with on a daily basis.


Don't lose the belief, it's not a way out of acceptance. TH was...gosh, how to put it...inept? would have been branded "retarded"? slow? impossible?...so many options. Anyway, he wasn't *in* school learning things the way the rest of the kids were. He was barely there at all mentally. For two years, KG and 1st, he was like that, checked out, disengaged, clueless, flapping his hands, being loud, saying the wrong things, and grabbing people. And then suddenly, this year (age 7), he's kind of "gotten it" in many ways, is more of a student, a learner, directing his curiosity in more fruitful ways. He's always had a wild curiosity, with the emphasis on wild.

He still has a zillion problems, mostly related to things you mention (RECESS, anyone?). BUT...the difference between kindergarten and today is like light years. Hang in there. Day to day. And Isaac's potential is always there, waiting to be filled. His timetable's just going to be different from everyone else's. And there's honestly not anything fundamentally wrong with that.


I hope I never stop expecting Jake to learn new things but as he physically gets bigger and my own body has to become stronger to help his.. I feel reminded more often of his age, and how "behind" he is. It is a constant struggle for me as well.

drama mama

Ding ding ding! Congratulations - you've posed the one million dollar question.

No. 1 - No, it will not be 12 years of the up and down cycle for Isaac.

No.2 - From a personal perspective, if I don't have absolute 100 percent faith in my daughter, I lose my way and we all know what happens then. The sad posts, the depression, the God knows what. I've opted for the 100 percent faith, since, well, we don't know what to expect - might as well expect nothing but *good* things, right?

No. 3 - Fake it 'til you make it.

No. 4 - we've got your back. And if you ever need a pile of Kindergarten anecdotes, give me a call. Oy. Have I got stories. And Susan, as I'm writing this, I'm looking at a lovely young woman reading a book to her baby sister, regulated and happy.

So much remains to be seen. So much.


susan if it makes you feel any better my newly in kinder son had a huge HORRIBLE tantrum the other night because his dad wouldn't play wrestling if our little guy wouldn't remove his belt. he told us repeatedly that "the only thing that would make me happy would be to wrestle daddy with my belt on." lots of discussion about why this was not safe, or nice, to no real effect. will he grow up to be a sadist? i have (99.9 percent) faith no. we use the out clause too. they are thoughtful little boys with suddenly MUCH less choice and control in their lives, and they have to act this change out somehow...

Christina Shaver

Thank you for posting about that window of time that you're supposed to do everything you possibly can before their brain becomes hardened in its course. It's so DEPRESSING. I was talking with my son's geneticist the other day -- my son who is not "cured" of anything though we are doing everything -- and he said that I should think about where we'd be if I hadn't done any of his therapies.

What's worked for us recently is ABA. I'm sorry I've only recently found your blog, so I'm not sure if this is something you're doing already. But if you haven't tried it, it's worth a whirl. My son is much more compliant.


Hi Susan, I just recently found your blog and it surely resonates with me so much that I recently linked to you in a post. This question of faith and acceptance is something I grapple with all the time. I'm so happy to have found your corner of the blogosphere as sometimes I feel pretty alone with these struggles.

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