In which I simultaneously get on my soapbox and go all Clintonian on you

We went to Sonoma today to get out of the fog, eat really good deli sandwiches and visit Train Town, which I've been betting would be big fun for Isaac. Like a lot of the earliest California towns, Sonoma has a real square, complete with band shell, military barracks, cheese stores, sweet little shops and plentiful fudge. In a word, heaven for us city-weary types.

We arrived at lunch time and grabbed sandwiches to eat in the square, which sports a nice little swing set and some sandy but serviceable picnic tables. We wolfed our meal and spent a lovely half hour pushing Isaac on the swing. He counted in Portuguese, Spanish and Swahili before reverting to English. "Forty-seven, forty-eight, forty-nine, forty-nine...actually, fifty."

Afterwards, we headed to Train Town. Like his beloved steam trains, it's a tiny little narrow-gauge railway that runs through a gorgeous wooded area. And to our amazement and delight, Isaac insisted on taking his very first amusement park rides: a plane (pictured), the "Scrambler," which, judging from his passionate insistence that he ride it OVER AND OVER, is like crack for the vestibular system, and the piece-de-resistance, the dragon roller coaster.

Of course the day was also punctuated by numerous bathroom visits (to look, mostly) a bit of elevator obsession and a late-afternoon meltdown, but Isaac finally nodded off on the drive back, giving J. and me a chance to catch up on this turbulent week.

*
When Isaac was first diagnosed, I thought that the hardest thing about having a child on the spectrum would be having a child on the spectrum. But I quickly discovered that I was focused on entirely the wrong thing. Having Isaac has been my greatest gift, and if you've read beyond this post, I don't think I need to explain why. And so here's my five-cent revelation, guys: the hardest thing about having a child on the spectrum is the relentless advocating--every damn minute of every damn day--to make sure that the rest of the world treats him with the respect and care he deserves, until such time as he can do it for himself.

And, with that, it's time to talk about the first week of school.

In many ways it was good, but (here's the Bill Clinton part) it depends on what you mean by "good." If what you mean is: did Isaac do well, did he adjust relatively smoothly, did he handle the separation without torrents of tears, did he learn something new, are the teachers warm and caring, is the facility bright and well maintained, does everyone in the school have the best of intentions? Well, sure.

But if by "good" you mean: are the teachers and after-school staff provided enough training in how to work with children with autism? Is there enough support provided for the inclusion kids? No. There wasn't much sleeping done here this week.

It's not a teacher issue: it's systemic. And it means that a lot of kids fall through the cracks because advocating for them is a full-time job.

All of you with older children know this. You know this and you fight every day for what your kids need. It's exhausting. And teachers are forced to pay Paul (and hope Peter doesn't notice) each and every day. As are--let's face it--administrators, who must navigate the medieval bureaucracies and politics of the state educational system, which is being slowly suffocated under the selfish, festering legacy of California's notorious Proposition 13.

And so the irony is that Isaac actually had a pretty good week. He likes his teacher, she seems to like him, and aside from recess, he seems to be adjusting to school just fine.

And yet.

Comments

[Marita]

The parent advocate bit is exhausting. Things are much the same here in Australia, when I'm not educating PreSchool teachers it is the Sunday School teachers (themselves PreSchool teachers during the week). Family, friends, people we meet at the playground. There always seems to be someone with a question.

[kristen]

Because good enough is sometimes not good enough, is it?

[Niksmom]

You made me homesick for CA with the bit about Sonoma. *sigh*

Yes, you are so right; the hardest part is the constant advocacy. It sounds like, for the most part, you are fortunate in Isacc's school situation; it sounds like the teachers advocate for their students as well, yes? It's why we pulled Nik from school; constantly having to battle with the very ones who should be helping to advocate for him (and his peers) at least at school...frustrating and exhausting.

Our kids are so lucky they have us. I don't say that with any arrogance; it breaks my heart to think about all the kids who slip through the cracks b/c they have no one advocating for them.

[Leila]

Our family loves Train Town in Sonoma, we've been there a few times (it's less than a couple of hours away from us). My son loves the train ride especially because it has like, 5 tunnels. The roller coaster is his other favorite thing in the park.

Good luck with Isaac in school. I also lose sleep about the advocating part, but my child is still in pre-K.

[Emily]

Aw, we love train town AND Sonoma.

The advocating part IS the work part of things, isn't it? We have it pretty easy with a well-prepared district full of professionals (and we all pay for that, too, with raised funds). Even with all of that, though, there are daily interventions and advocations, things that I know parents of NT children simply don't have to think about or manage. I don't appear to have any NT kids, so I'll probably never really be in the shoes of these parents. I'm sure we all have our crosses to bear. Mine is pretty light because I think my children are delightful little people.

[Jordan]

Aww, I remember taking Baxter to Train Town at about that age. He loved it and I still remember feeling completely ill on the teeny tiny roller coaster. So. Lame.

You are right. It's a systemic problem, not a teacher by teacher problem. We have to all keep pushing for good training at the district level, not the classroom or school level. (Did you all just hear me say "SCERTS!" there? Am I that predictable?)

[drama mama]

PLUperfect.

We jumped ship, and while I'd like to sit and dissect exactly WHY the present public school system did not serve my child, I'm too busy trying to provide for her needs.

We parents have too much to do besides tirelessly hover and monitor and beg for the education our children deserve.

I'm glad you spent a lovely family day.

[Kia]

I soooo hope that I too can write about my son's good week at school, next weekend. His first day will be this Wednesday and he's told me he doesn't want to go. Ugh. The How-To-Get-Pregnant Books don't talk about this stuff. WHY??!!! WHY??!!!!

Glad to hear Isaac did so well!