I think of myself as an introspective person--sometimes too introspective, actually, for my own good. But after a week at the beach with friends, a lovely routine including enough sleep, good food, great (if abbreviated) chats, standing in the waves as Isaac splashed happily, playing tourist in local towns--I'm thinking that maybe I've been on pause a little. And that it's time to think about the future.
"Ah-ah-ah-ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive," Isaac sang out from the back seat as we drove down Highway One to Monterey. And, later, "I don't want Mommy to go back to work."
Yet another bitter-with-the-sweet. The bitter is obvious. But the sweet? He's thinking about the future too.
In a couple of weeks, Isaac will begin kindergarten. While preschool felt like an enormous step (my little guy, fending for himself), this is the real deal. He'll be included in a classroom for typically-developing kids, but what inclusion will really mean is still mighty uncertain. Will they get his sense of humor? His intelligence? His sweet nature? Will they be kind?
At our panel at BlogHer last month, we discussed the occasional tension between adults with autism and parents with kids on the spectrum--how in an effort to tell our stories, we frame and expose our children's. It's a fair point. And yet in writing this, I have always hoped that my words will act as a sort of context for my child and others, because context is key to perception.
Imagine this: two children are in the schoolyard. One comes close to the other, playfully. The other child pushes him away. Aggression, or self-defense against sensory overload? I'm not saying it's okay for children to push, but there's a context for it. And context can make all the difference.
Or this: two children are playing ball. A third comes up and tries to take the ball away. Aggression, or an attempt to join the play?
Or this: a teacher asks a child a question. The child doesn't answer. Willfulness, or a delay in auditory processing?
In these situations, the child is behaving perfectly rationally. But his reality is not the status quo.
As a parent, my constant struggle is to know how much to advocate--how much to explain the world to Isaac, and him to the world? How much is enough to foster his independence without stunting his growth? It's a constant give and take.
So when I think about the future these days, I try to think without fear, and to focus not on the waves, but on the horizon.
well said. if you figure out the secret to doing that w/out the fear taking over...please let me know??
Posted by: Niksmom | August 12, 2008 at 03:31 AM
Beautiful. And yes, it is all about the context. Unfortunately, in "real" school, it seems to be the thing few people actually see and understand. Our experience has been that pushing is just pushing. Sometimes it seems like I'm the only parent out there having countless conversations about context.
Sigh.
Posted by: kristen | August 12, 2008 at 06:45 AM
My daughter has been fully included since preschool and is now entering second grade. I think I lose large amount sof sleep every August as the old anxiety creep up before school starts every year. I wanted to send some kind words of support and encouragement. In my experience, kids are far more accepting and loving in Kindergarten than you can imagine possible. They are all testing their autonomy and power. My daughter classmates have now been with her for three years and have become her best advocate at times. She has also learned to be her own-something we worked on a ton in preschool and K. I think the best tools we gave her is to teach her to be able to tell people when something is too loud, when she needs a break, etc. Her teachers were very supportive of this goal because it helped them too. I think her teachers and peers respect these things more when they come from her. I would also add, every year our daughter has made tremendous developments and huge growth beyond our expectations since being included. So every year now I wait to be surprised. I think your son and his classmates will surprise you too.
Posted by: t | August 17, 2008 at 06:30 AM