In which I retire to my room with the vapors, my laptop and a dish of ice cream

If I were a 19th century lady of a certain age and class, I could simply retire to my chambers and let it be known that I am unwell and not accepting callers at the moment. I would read, and nap, and take my meals in my room, and write letters until my equilibrium returned.

As it happens, not so much. But J. took Isaac for a walk this evening so I could do just that, sweet soul that he is. Because it happened again. I Don't Want To Go To School: The Return.

Here's the (increasingly familiar) abridged version: get to front door of school, cry, fall to the ground, scream, resist, teacher carries him in, more screaming and kicking, hot, hysterical tears and wailing as I finally manage to leave. But it worries me, this idea that the morning is a minefield I need to pick my way through, step by careful step, lest we end up covered in boogers and emotional shrapnel.

Separation anxiety, folks. Pure and simple. Though, as we've all learned here at the School of Developmental Difference, nothing is simple.

There is, however, a pretty fine silver lining to this story, which I will now share in the interest of, well, reason for optimism (and not sounding like a total whiner.)

Not long after the dropoff (soon enough that I was still in tears, unable to answer the phone), I got a voicemail from one of Isaac's teachers saying that he was fine, and that she was amazed at the way he had processed his emotions after I left. It turns out that she had sat down with him and asked him to tell her how he felt. She wrote, he dictated, and she read him what she'd written. Afterward, one of his classmates gave him a hug.

This later email from the head of his school sums it up:

This level of emotional processing is thoroughly exciting to see, hear, witness. I listened as a fly on the wall to [teacher] and Isaac and was amazed to hear what he was saying, how articulate he was, how clearly he conveyed his emotions...He is taking his strong feelings, expressing them in a young way when you, his beloved mother is around, but then when the separation is actually over, he then reviews, reexperiences the feelings in a more mature way that will help him generalize how to handle other hard emotional situations. As hard as it is for you, and I don't want to underestimate it, I hope you are also thrilled with the leaps he is making..."

The teacher's voice mail emphasized how much Isaac had loved it when she wrote down his feelings. He was excited and fully engaged in the process, and kept referring to it throughout the day.

Imagine that. Writing down your feelings. To try to make sense of them. Brilliant.

Comments

[kristen]

Amazing, isn't it? And how incredible it is and how lucky you are to have teachers willing to sit with him and work these things out and then COMMUNICATE them so articulately back to you.

[Jordan]

I'm sure you do know how exciting this development is, Susan, but do you also know how BRILLIANT you were to place Isaac at that school? The fact that the staff reached out to you TWO TIMES - and in such a meaningful way - after the separation? That is nothing short of miraculous. I'm impressed with the whole lot of you!

[Niksmom]

Okay, that does it! I want to move back to the Bay Area and gt Nik into either Isaac or Miss M/C's school!

Holy cow, Susan, that's fantastic progress. But yeah, the separation anxiety sucks the life right out of you, huh? We're going through something similar all of a sudden with Nik and the place we go for PT/OT and a Devel. play group. Except I don't leave...he just loses it all of a sudden whereas he used to LOVE going there.

Big hugs to you and Isaac...and J for taking him out so you could have your "fit of the vapours!" ;-) Oh, and I'll take some of that ice cream, too, please!

[kal]

That is a huge accomplishment. Writing and feelings, hmm... Have you thought of doing a social story about going to school in the a.m.? Forgive me if you've already tried such things - they're on my brain these days since sam's teacher suggested we create one for getting his hair cut)

[Emily]

What a good school, what good teachers, and what good progress for him. And I've often reverted mentally to that desire to be "indisposed." Must have been handy.

[marivi]

Granted, I'm probably hormonal, but that entry brought tears to my eyes. Wow.

[drama mama]

F*ckin' A.

Right on teachers, Head of School, and Right the Eff On Mr. Isaac!