That Word Again

When I got home tonight, there was a note from Isaac's school district case manager reminding us of our upcoming IEP. She had stapled her card to the note, and for the first time I noticed her job title: "Preschool Autism Behavior Content Specialist, Special Education Services."

That word again.

Early on, Jesse and I spent countless hours in the "is he or isn't he?" debate, cataloguing every shred of evidence for and against. So social! So remote. So easygoing! So rigid. All kids do this! No, it's a symptom. And on. And on.

You know how when you're with someone long enough, there are some conversations that just keep resurfacing? We started calling this one "conversation #862, in which we discuss whether Isaac does or does not have autism." (Another example: conversation #406, in which I am reminded to replace the toothpaste cap on the toothpaste. It's a blind spot. I admit it.)

For days we'd be passionately convinced that Isaac wasn't, you know, that thing--that he just has a speech delay, and some sensory issues, and so that's why he's not so social with his peers, and labels are dumb, and nobody knows anything anyway...and then one day it would hit us in the gut, a sickening feeling: maybe we should just stop fighting this.

But a funny thing has happened, not what I expected at all. I realized Friday, as I sat in the Jumpstart conference, and again tonight as I looked at the card on my kitchen counter, that I'm not so upset by That Word anymore. I think I've called a truce.

And I feel sort of okay about it. That Word is in our lives--for now. It's on our paperwork, it's in our emails, it's in the books on my nightstand. But I'm not convinced that it'll be there forever.

Comments

[Maddy]

I try and think of it as a ticket to services rather than a definition of my children - works for me!
Best and peaceful wishes
http://whitterer-autism.blogspot.com

[Vicki Forman]

How interesting that the Word would arrive on the heels of the conference you attended. I mean, what a parallel, yes? To be talking about individuals one moment, and then the big lumping reality of The Word the next. Take care,

[Kristina Chew]

At first it seemed the "A-word" and then it became just another term in an expanding vocabulary.