Wake up, get out of bed
Drag a comb across my head
Find my way downstairs and drink a cup
And looking up, I notice I am late
Sometimes, to be honest, I don't notice much else. When did Isaac get that spider bite on his cheek? (His skin is so much like mine: puffs up at the slightest provocation) How, all of a sudden, are we out of soap? And Kleenex? Didn't we just buy Kleenex?
And then there are days like today, when it's all I can do to finish just one thing. Where's my favorite black tank top? When did I last call my Dad? What month is it?
It's easy to be lost in the moment with Isaac. When he's distracted, it requires all my attention and energy to lure us both to the same meeting-place: this moment. This. Moment. Now.
Otherwise, for the most part, it's continuous partial attention. Ambient, well, pretty much everything. It's benign for those of us who are neurotypical, but so much harder for Isaac. It's constant sensory bombardment--at school, where he struggles and comes home exhausted, outside; where he's always prey to unexpected noises; even at home sometimes when the washing machine buzzes or the microwave beeps its three final beeps.
This afternoon, we snuggled on the sofa and watched "Harold and the Purple Crayon," followed by a game of dress-up like Daddy ("I want to see in the mirror!" he squawked, and bolted down the hall.) I try to squeeze everything I can from those moments: in the bath, where he tends to be most talkative, at night, when we're telling bedtime stories, in the morning, when he's still groggy and warm from sleep.
I don't care that the moments are small. I care that they're meaningful.
I wonder a lot about attention lately. Mine (sometimes hard to corral, pulled in so many directions). My husband's (mature and focused, a solid barometer). But mostly Isaac's, which is sometimes so fleeting, and sometimes so intent.
I want more. When his attention falters, I want to know what is pulling it away. A feeling? A memory? An itch? A synapse randomly firing?
All of a sudden, it's all I can think about.